Content note: COVID-19, global panic, alcohol, drugs, hypnosis, food, exercise, electrostimulation, rough sex.
It’s always weird when a crisis strips you not only of your routine but also of your core coping mechanisms. Normally if I was panicked about a global situation, I would grab a book and my headphones and go to a restaurant or bar to read and eat/drink alone, comforted by the solitude-among-people, the low-effort coziness, the sense of community with strangers. Or I would book an impulsive plane ride to go see my partner in New York. But obviously these measures do not hold up in the age of COVID-19, when we’re told over and over again: go nowhere, see no one. So, like many many others, I’ve been rewriting the rulebook of my own coping methods.
Here are some things I have found that help:
Make hand-washing fun, by any means necessary. Memes abound on this very subject. Sometimes I sing the entire chorus of a beloved song (ideally a different song each time) while I wash my hands. Sometimes I dance. Sometimes I pretend I’m making a hand-washing tutorial video in the style of a beauty YouTuber (“Next I’m gonna go in with my soap… This one was sent to me by my friends at Dial; isn’t it so gorgeous?!”). Sometimes I cast my mind back to times I’ve been in bathrooms while high off my ass on weed or mushrooms – the way it makes every mundane action seem sparkly and strange. My perverted friend DJ Pynchon has suggested using erotic hypnosis to make hand-washing sexy. In any case, using soap you like (assuming you can still find some in stores near you) is imperative, as is putting on hand cream afterward so your dry and cracked hands don’t make you start resenting this ultra-important measure.
Consume dramatic media. Apparently people are wild about the movie Contagion right now; I’ve also stocked my Kindle with pandemic-centric novels. If this sort of thing is cathartic for you, it’s a good option. If, on the other hand, it just stokes your anxieties, you could instead consume media that is dramatic in other ways – murder-mysteries or secret love affairs or cults or truly whatever. It might put things in perspective, or it might just distract you for a while.
Learn to cook new things, especially since (if you’re self-quarantining or just opting to stay home more) your ingredient options might be severely limited. I’m going to attempt to make something like fried rice later with some broccoli and leftover takeout rice and whatever errant condiments we have in stock. Be the Jackson Pollock of the culinary world, throwing paint at a canvas without knowing whether it’ll turn out beautiful or just hilariously mediocre.
Talk to loved ones on the phone, even – and perhaps especially – if you don’t normally do this. Participating in “social distancing” is only required of you in the physical realm; you can use digital and telecommunicative technologies to get as socially close as you would like. In fact it might be a massive boon for your mental health and that of the people you chat with.
Related: Have phone sex. Or engage in sexting or Skype sex or what have you. If you’re reading this, it’s likely (just based on who my audience tends to be) that sex is important to you on some level, and you don’t have to stop having it just because we’re encouraged not to leave our houses. In fact it can be quite sexy to discover new ways of being intimate and lascivious together under new limitations. (Here are some phone sex tips if you need ‘em.)
Journal about current events, both because someday historians might find your account fascinating and helpful, and because processing your emotions is one way of working through them, nullifying them, putting them behind you, as much as one can in times like these. Try these prompt questions: What is happening now where you live? How do you feel about it? What are you scared of? What are the silver linings? What do you hope happens? What do you think this whole mess says about humanity?
Enjoy strong sensations, if you like ‘em. In kink contexts I often find that sensations like electrostimulation, scratching, and biting are helpful when I’m stressed or sad. Outside of kink/sex, you could also do things like: exfoliate your whole body with a good scrub (you can make one at home with coconut oil and sugar or somesuch), tweeze some of your body hair, do yoga and/or streeeetch.
Lower your stress levels, because anxiety fucks with your immunity and you don’t want that. Make like Abraham-Hicks and dedicate time to maintaining a positive mood to the extent that you can. Watch something funny on Netflix, listen to your favorite podcast in good headphones, stretch and move and dance, reflect on happy memories, read comedy writing, take baths, masturbate extravagantly, etc.
Feel free to reply to this email and let me know what you’re doing to cope right now.