The illuminating question that is "Are you mad at me?"

“Are you mad at me?” is one of the questions I have asked most often in every romantic relationship I’ve ever been in. It’s a relic of trauma, neural leftovers from a childhood where my dad being mad at me meant I was about to be shouted down into a triggered puddle of sludge. If you learn something is dangerous to you, dangerous to your wellbeing and y…